Love like woe
by Crisscolferlol
Summary: Blaine's high school journey; making new friends, struggling to find himself, and meeting the love of his life. {through his point of view}
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I do not own Glee or the characters in this, I did make up a few but I'm sure you'll be able to tell who. In this fanfic there is no glee club and it's their last year in high school. It's mainly based around Blaine, Kurt and Rachel. Some parts were inspired by Perks of being a wallflower. (which I don't own) so if you find any similarities you know why. Well enjoy, and thanks for reading. Please rate and comment. This fan fiction really has nothing to do with the song "love like woe" I just love that song and that it'd be a cool title but check the song out, it's really good. It's by The Ready Set. okay, well read on. **_

It was my first day of high school ever, I'm going into grade twelve which probably sounds strange but it's because I've been home schooled since grade eight. But I was scared shitless to say the least. I had just moved to Lima in the summer, so I didn't really know anyone. The only people I had talked to this summer was was my family which is kind of pathetic I know. If it wasn't obvious enough already, I don't have friends. It's not that there's something wrong with me, i'm just quiet and I stay out of people's way.

"come on, stand closer and smile!" My mom said happily as she snapped another photo of my dad and me. "Blaine, I want to remember you're first day of high school!" She explained and took another photo. I rolled my eyes but smiled for the camera and headed out the door to walk to school. When I finally got to Mckinley high school my hands were shaking. I took a deep breathe and walked in.

The first thing I noticed was, the hallways were basically hell on earth. People were shouting and throwing things and many people were fighting for probably no reason. All I wanted to do was find the class room I needed to get to and get my lock for my locker but that was beginning to look like a hard thing to be able to accomplish. But later when I finally made it to my locker, some girl was yelling at her I assume boyfriend that she was pregnant and he needed to help. I looked at her like she was crazy, it was the first day of school and I already hated high school.

When I was in English, we did absolutely nothing. The teacher just sat there talking on his phone while he let the class do whatever they wanted. I sat there waiting to see if we would actually do something but after ten minutes of just sitting there, it got boring. So I counted how many days of torture (aka school) I had left. It was pretty hard to count when basically all the other students were talking or chewing their stupid gum obnoxiously loud. "excuse me" I heard a voice say. I looked up to see who was shouting. It was a boy, a very attractive one. He was wearing dark skinny jeans, and a white dress shirt with a black vest and his hair was perfectly styled. No one payed attention to him other then me so he shouted again only this time louder. Everybody stopped what they were doing at looked at him. "I'm sorry to kill everyone's vibe, but I was just wondering when we're actually going to do anything educational in this class" he said and put his hands on his hips. I laughed quietly to myself. "I have way better things to do then sit in here and watch you talk on the phone" the boy added, which made me laugh again. The teacher muttered something that sounded like a "whatever" and the other students started talking to each other again but I couldn't take my eyes of that boy. He was beautiful, there was really no other way to describe him. I wanted to say something to him but I couldn't, I was way too shy.

Finally the bell rang, indicating that class was over. I slowly got up and walked into the hallways. (hell). I tried to see where that boy was going since it was lunch. He was talking to some girl. Maybe his girlfriend? I felt something in the pit of my stomach. Was I jealous? I continued to watch the two and they were laughing about something. They then linked their arms and walked down the hall. I assumed they were going to the cafeteria because in the movies I watched, that's where most of the kids went at lunch. When I got to the cafeteria they weren't anywhere to be seen so I sat at a table at the back by myself. I didn't really mind though It's not as bad as it sounds.

The next few days went by basically the same way. I kept trying to find that boy and his friend or possibly girlfriend at lunch, I never did find them though. Finally it was Friday and I obviously didn't have any plans, I was just going to stay home and watch movies with my parents or something but they had other plans for me...

"so honey, what are you doing tonight?" My mom asked me as she sat at the dinner table with me. "nothing, I was just going to watch some movies" I mumbled. "sweetie no, you did that all summer! go out and have some fun!" She said with a smile. "and do what?" I asked. Sometimes my mom was just too crazy. "go to you're school's football game at seven" My dad said not looking up from his newspaper. How did he even know about that? I shook my head. "I don't even like football" I said. "but maybe you'll meet some new friends" My mom said and patted me on the shoulder before getting up to put her dishes away. I shrugged, I really didn't want to go and sit there by myself in the cold. "just go" My dad said, this time looking up at me. I reluctantly agreed to go just because it would make my mom happy.

As it got closer to seven, I started walking to the school. When I got there the benches were pretty much packed with few empty seats left. I found a seat at the end of the bleachers beside some chess player. (He was wearing a chess shirt) The chess player kept trying to pat my knee. I had to move. I got up and looked for a seat where a stranger wouldn't try and touch me. I was walking up and down the bleachers looking for a space to sit until I noticed the only place left was a seat beside the boy from English. I took a deep breathe and walked over. "uh, hey" I said. The boy looked up and smiled. "hey" He said happily. "can I sit here? I was sitting down there and the guy I was sitting beside kept trying to feel up my leg" I explained and to my surprise the boy laughed and moved over a little to make room for me. "I'm Kurt by the way" he said. "I'm Blaine" I said and he smiled at me. "you're in English with me, right?" he asked. "y-yeah" I stuttered then mentally slapped myself for stuttering but it was hard not to when he noticed and remembered me. "so you like football?" I asked changing the subject. He shook his head. "God no" I looked at him with an eye brow raised. "then why are you here?" I asked, curious. "I was forced to come but she's late as usual" Kurt explained and rolled his eyes. I'm pretty sure he's talking about that girl I always see him with. "do you like football?" he asked me. I shook my head. "my parents made me come" I said. Then we talked about school and how I was home schooled and the conversation just kept going. Kurt was easy to talk to, he was a good listener and he was an interesting person. Later we both attempted to watch the game., but it was incredibly boring.

"Kurt!" a girl shrieked. I looked to see who it was and it was the girl I always see Kurt with. "Rachel!" he said and patted the spot on the other side of him for her to sit. "you took forever" he said. "I know, I'm sorry! I couldn't decide what to wear" She said as she sat down. "oh honey, you sound like me" Kurt said and patted her lap. I felt something in the pit of my stomach again. "you basically missed the whole game" Kurt whined and put his head on her shoulder. "poor baby" Rachel said sarcastically and hugged him. I noticed how close and comfortable they were with each other. They seemed really happy with each other and as much as I don't like it, they do look like they'd make a good couple. "but at least you had company" Rachel said and let go of Kurt to wink at him. "oh yeah, Blaine this is Rachel, Rachel this is Blaine" Kurt said. Rachel smiled and stuck out her hand for me to shake. "So, how long have you two been dating?" I asked curious, besides it couldn't hurt to ask right? The two of them laughed, they wouldn't stop. They looked like they were going to cry from laughing so much. "what's so funny?" I asked, not really seeing what was so funny. "we're not" Rachel said in between laughs, then finally calmed down. "we're not dating, we're just best friends" Rachel explained. "besides, he's as straight as a rainbow" Rachel said and Kurt rolled his eyes. "you know, you can just say I'm gay" Kurt said. "it's not as fun" Rachel pouted. They turned and faced me. "you're okay with that, right?" Kurt asked. I nodded. I was definitely more then okay with that. Kurt smiled. "you like football, Rachel?" I asked surprised. She didn't look like the type who would. In fact, she didn't look like the type who should even be allowed outside of her house in that reindeer sweater but she's nice so that's all that matters. She laughed. "no, I just like my boyfriend" "he's the quarter back" Kurt explained. We sat there watching the rest of the game, until it ended. "hey Blaine, there's going to be a party at my house now. Wanna come?" Kurt asked. I bit my lip to stop my self from grinning too big. "sure" Kurt nodded. "wait" Rachel said and looked at me. "what are you're goals in life?" She asked. I looked at her like she was insane until I realized, she was being totally serious. "well I've always wanted to be a singer" I admitted. "where do you want to move to after graduation?" she asked. "well, I've always wanted to move to New York" I said quietly. She smiled brightly. "Alright, he can stay" She said and we all walked off to Kurt's truck. I sat in between Kurt and Rachel. "why are you having a party?" I asked. "my step brother planned it" Kurt said. "Finn always throws them, it's like a tradition or whatever" Rachel shrugged before turning the radio on.

_**Sorry this chapter is kind of short, i'll upload more later today and it'll be longer. Hopefully you liked this! **_


	2. Chapter 2 (the party)

_**A/N: Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I have to share a laptop with my brothers now since my brother broke mine and they were on it all day yesterday. This chapter is kind of short, my apologizes. But I hope you do like it, and I might be able to post in the day tomorrow but after in the evening I'm going to my uncle's cabin for a couple days but I'll post when I get back. Anyway, thank you for reading and please rate, and comment and tell other Klaine shippers about this story! I love all of you. 3**_

The car ride to Kurt's house was actually fun, Rachel and Kurt are good company. We mainly sang along to songs that played on the radio. I really hope I become as close to them as they already are to each other. We pulled up in Kurt's driveway and walked to the door. I heard music blasting I guess who ever Kurt's step brother was, was already home. Some kids from school were in the front yard throwing toilet paper at one another. "these parties are totally lame, the only reason I come is to keep an eye on Kurt" Rachel said as we walked inside the house. I eyed Kurt, he didn't look like much of a drinker. "you're making me sound like an alcoholic or something" Kurt said and faced me. "which I'm not" he said and flashed me a wink then walked away. I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't skip a beat, because I swear it did. "what does he do at parties?" I asked Rachel. "you'll see" She said.

The first thing I noticed when I walked in, is that ninety percent of the people at the party were making out with someone. Rachel grabbed my wrist and guided me towards an empty couch. The music was really loud so if we wanted to talk, we basically had to shout. to each other but even then it was hard to hear so we gave up trying. I scanned the room looking for Kurt, and I saw him dancing with some guy but not just dancing but like grinding against the guy. This time I will fully admit that I was jealous, probably because I kind of have a little, tiny crush on Kurt. I know I just met him, but he's different. In a good way though. I think Rachel caught me staring because she leaned in close and asked if I liked him. I didn't reply but I felt myself blush. She smiled at me. "It's cool, I totally get it! he's very like able, sometimes I wish he was straight because he'd be such a good boyfriend" She told me and giggled slightly. _Boyfriend._ Yeah, I definitely wouldn't mind having Kurt as my boyfriend. I looked around the room again and laid my eyes on Kurt again. This time I saw the guy Kurt was dancing with, lead him upstairs. Probably to Kurt's bedroom. My jaw dropped and Rachel put her head in her hands. She muttered something that sounded like a "not again, he's worth so much more then that" I looked at her with an eyebrow cocked. What did she mean not again? She grabbed my wrist again and dragged me to the backyard where it was quiet.

"I'm not going to go into detail because I don't think that Kurt would want that, but there's a reason he does what he does. so please don't go thinking he's a man whore or whatever people call them and he's not like a male prostitute so don't think that either. There's just a very complicated reason why and it really breaks my heart" Rachel said looked at me her eyes filled with sadness and she looked like she was going to cry. she really, really cared about Kurt. I was going to hug her but that would probably be awkward since we had just met today. "I'm sorry for getting all emotional, I just really love him and he's worth a lot more then he thinks" Rachel said and took a deep breathe. "let's go back in" she said and I nodded. She walked back inside and I followed Rachel to the kitchen. "want something to drink?" she asked. I shook my head. "hey babe" I heard a voice say. I saw a tall, dark haired boy hug Rachel from behind. "Finn!" Rachel shrieked and turned around to hug him. "I was looking for you since I got back, but I couldn't find you" Finn explained. "I was sitting on the couch with my new friend, Blaine" Rachel said and smiled at me. Finn pulled away from the hug to look at me. "hey dude" he said. "hey" I said awkwardly. The next few minutes Finn tried to make small talk. "well I'm going to find Puck, nice meeting you man" Finn said to me before kissing Rachel on the cheek, then walking off. "isn't he nice?" Rachel asked as she watched Finn walk off. I nodded.

The rest of the night was pretty boring. I saw Kurt come downstairs to tell Rachel and I he was going to sleep and that he was glad we came, he also apologized that he didn't hangout with me and he promised me a dance at the next party. When Kurt was telling us this, I noticed that his hair wasn't perfectly styled anymore. I winced at the thought of what he did upstairs with that guy. Rachel gave him a disappointed look, he hugged her and whispered something I didn't quiet catch then he hugged me and I melted into the hug. Not much later I told that I was tired and I walked home. My parents were already sleeping so I luckily didn't have to worry about them asking me tons of questions about where I've been. I brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas and fell asleep.

I woke up with the sun in my eyes, I groaned and shoved my face in my pillow. When I realized I couldn't fall back asleep, I reluctantly went got up and got changed. I went downstairs to the kitchen to get food. "good morning honey, you didn't get home till late last night! where'd you go?" my mom asked softly. "I went to a friend's house after, sorry for not calling" I said sitting at the kitchen table. "it's fine, as long as you had fun" she said and put a plate with bacon and eggs on it, in front of me. I nodded. The party was was alright, other then the fact that I had to watch Kurt basically grind against another guy. "tell us about your new friend" my dad said and sat across the table. "well there's two of them" I explained then took a bit of my bacon. My parents nodded, waiting for me to continue on. "their names are Kurt and Rachel, they're both really nice" I said and took another bit of my food. "are they dating?" my mom asked. "that's what I thought when I first met them, but they're just best friends" I said. After that my mom asked me many more questions about them.

I didn't really have plans for the weekend, and I didn't have Rachel or Kurt's number so I couldn't call them to hangout and I've already watched all the movie in my house at least five times so I decided to go on my laptop. I found myself facebook stalking Kurt. He didn't really post much but when he did, it usually had something to do with Rachel and him. While I was looking through photos of him, I couldn't help but think about how beautiful he really is. His blue eyes were so easy to get lost in. After I had looked through his whole profile, I looked through Rachel's. By looking at her profile I could tell three things. 1) That she was very passionate about singing. 2) Her and Finn were an on again, off again couple. 3) She loved Kurt more then anything else.

If I'm being honest, I am a little jealous of their friendship. It was really cute, and they honestly loved each other so much. I want a friendship like that, I want a friendship like that with them. I also wouldn't mind being a little more then just friends with Kurt, though I couldn't stop thinking about what Rachel said to me at the party. I didn't really know what she meant by what she told me but I really wanted to know why Kurt did what he did.

I never really thought much about my sexuality, it never really was something that I thought was important. It never really struck me what I was until my parents asked me who I liked one night at dinner. It had been three weeks after that party at Kurt's house and I officially had a huge crush on Kurt. It was hard to exlpain why I liked him, it was just everything about him made me smile. I loved everything about him, especially the things he didn't love about himself. I loved those things the most. "well sort of yeah.." I said to my parents when they asked. I didn't really want to say I liked Kurt because Kurt was a guy and I didn't know how my parents would react. "tell us who? do we know them?" My mom asked excitedly. I relaxed a little, because my mom could of easily said 'her' instead of 'them' I took a sip of my water. "is it Rachel?" My dad asked. I spit out my water. "what?" I asked while looking at him like he was crazy, cause well he kind of is. "is it Rachel?" he asked again. "she's a very sweet girl" My mom said with a smile. "but she's just a friend, and besides she has a boyfriend" I said. "never stopped me before" My dad said and I almost spit my water out again. "I don't like her like that" I said flatly. "then who do you like?" My mom asked looking confused. "I-" I said quietly. "I like Kurt" I said and closed my eyes, so I wouldn't have to see their reactions. It was quiet and neither of them said anything. I thought they hated me. I took a deep breathe before opening my eyes. My parents were smiling at me. "please just say something" I said. "we're so happy for you" they said at the same time. "you are?" I asked, shocked. They nodded. "we kind of figured you were, in middle school when all your friends were dating and talking about girls you were the only one who wasn't" my dad said and my mom nodded. When I fell asleep that night, I actually felt really good.

the next day at school I was at my locker putting my books away from my last class. "Blainey" Kurt called and I felt some stupid fricking butterflies in my stomach at his nickname for me. I looked up and saw him and Rachel skipping towards me, hands behind their backs. "yes?" I asked with a smile, while closing my locker. They both got down on one knee and they both held out a ring pop. I was confused to say the least and people were staring. "will you go to the Halloween dance with us?" they asked at the same time and then smiled. I giggled slightly then nodded. What they did was adorable, I couldn't deny that. "yay" they shrieked and we all hugged. "the dances are usually pretty lame, but with all of us there I'm sure we can make it fun" Kurt said with a slight smile and I couldn't help but smile back. I turned to Rachel. "wait, why aren't you going with Finn?" she shrugged. "I'd rather go with you guys, but besides Finn and I broke up" she explained. "again" Kurt said under his breathe and I laughed. "what happened this time?" I asked. Kurt laughed this time and it was adorable. Rachel shrugged again. "I don't even know, it's like he was PMSing but he's a guy so it's not physically possible for him to have his period" she said and we walked to our normal spot under the bleachers.

**_Another A/N: Once again sorry it's short and sorry it's kind of like a weird ending, I just don't have time to finish it, but it'll make sense as this story continues. :)_**


	3. Chapter 3 ( If it kills me)

_**A/N: two chapters in one day, yay! Sorry for the formatting in this one. You'll know what I mean as you keep reading. I don't own the song, it's "If it kills me" by Jason Mraz. Hope you liked this. :) Also, I do not own Glee or these characters, I made a few up but you'll obviously be able to tell who. Thanks for reading. x **_

* * *

We sat under the bleachers, and ate our lunch in comfortable silence. "we have to dress up for the dance" Rachel said suddenly. "we do?" I asked. She nodded. I've never worn a costume for Halloween before, as a kid I never went trick or treating. I didn't see the point, so I usually just watched horror movies on Halloween night. "what are we doing to dress up as?" I asked. She shrugged and turned to Kurt. "what do you think?" she asked. "I don't know.. I'm good with fashion but not costumes" Kurt said and shrugged. Rachel chuckled and grabbed her purse. "I'll look up good costume ideas for three people" she said and smiled at Kurt and I.

It was now the night of the dance and we decided to go as Alvin and the chipmunks, Rachel wanted to be Simon and I didn't really care which one I was, so she picked Theodore for me and Alvin for Kurt. Kurt looked incredibly cute, I really just wanted to kiss him. When we got to the dance, Rachel was literally buzzing with excitement. "we're going to have so much fun!" she shrieked and I saw her squeeze Kurt's hand. I frowned a little, I wanted to hold Kurt's hand. When we walked into the school, we were greeted by the principal. He smiled at us and said "no drinking kids, have fun" in his accent. We laughed a little and nodded before walking in the gymnasium, where the dance was being held. Kurt and Rachel ran to the middle of the dance floor and shouted. "step aside, this is our jam" and they started dancing crazily with people watching. I couldn't help but laugh at how crazy they were. They looked over at me and motioned for me to come over but I shook my head. I don't dance, I don't know how. Kurt walked over to be and grabbed my hand and drag me to where Rachel was still standing. My heart started racing, Kurt was holding my hand. We all danced together and I'm sure we looked like idiots but I really didn't care because we were all idiots together.

We danced the whole night away, laughing and having a really good time. For once, I felt like I really belonged. I felt like I was meant to be here. The dance went by in a blink of an eye, and before I knew it people were making their way out of the school and most of them were going back to Kurt's house for Finn's party. A part of me wanted to go, because Kurt owed me a dance and I really wanted to keep dancing with him but another part of me didn't want to go. I was worried he would go off with another guy again, partly because I was jealous. I admitted that to myself, but also because Kurt deserved more then a one time thing. I still didn't understand why he did it, and Rachel didn't explain it to me and I didn't want to ask Kurt about it because it really wasn't my business, I just cared about him. _A lot. _

On the car ride back to Kurt's place it was mostly quiet, we were all worn out I think. "excited for the party?" Rachel asked me with a smile. I shrugged, I guess I was. The only thing I was really looking forward to was dancing with Kurt. "I'm not, I'll have to see Finn" she said and frowned slightly. I patted her shoulder, not really knowing what to do. She smiled sweetly at me as if to say 'thanks'. "If you don't want to see him, you don't have to come. I can drive you home if you want?" Kurt said and looked over at her. She shook her head "no, I can handle it. Besides I have to make sure, you don't do anything you'll regret" she said. Kurt rolled his eyes. "I've already done so many things I regret, I doubt another thing will hurt" he said and faced the road again. I felt a tug at my heart, literally. I felt bad for Kurt, I really just wanted to understand what they meant. "don't talk like that" Rachel said and put her hand on his knee while he drove.

Once again the music was blasting and I could barely hear myself think. We made our way to the living room where most people were dancing. "I'm going to get some drinks" Rachel shouted and walked to the kitchen. Kurt and I stood there for a moment. "I do believe, I owe you a dance" Kurt said -loud enough for me to hear him- with a smirk. I felt my cheeks heat up. Kurt put his hands on my shoulders and I hesitantly put my hands on his waist. The song was a slower one, so it wasn't anything to out of the ordinary for us to be slow dancing. I soon realized other people were too. We danced, with out saying anything, my heart racing the whole time. I saw Rachel start to walk over then stop and smirk, I rolled my eyes and she winked at me before sitting on a couch. Sooner then I expected the song ended and we pulled away from each other, awkwardly smiling and walking over to find Rachel. We all just looked at each other for a bit, then decided to dance since there was nothing else to really do.

I noticed Rachel had stopped dancing, she was looking some where else. I tried to spot what she was looking at, when I saw Finn kissing some blonde girl. I looked back at Rachel, who's mouth was hanging. Kurt looked over at Finn, gave him a dirty look, that Finn probably didn't catch then Kurt took Rachel's hand and led her upstairs to his room. It wasn't the first time, I had been in his room. I've been in there a couple times before while I was hanging out with Rachel and him. Kurt sat her down and rubbed her back and he whispered comforting things. She soon started crying, and saying things I couldn't quite understand. "he's probably just drunk, besides isn't Quinn dating Puck?" Kurt asked. Rachel nodded. "Finn, wouldn't get involved in that. It's just some drunken mistake besides, you could do so much better then him, and if you don't find anyone else, you still have me" Kurt said and hugged Rachel tight. She nodded and hugged back. "I just still don't get why" she said into Kurt's neck. "I don't either" Kurt said and they continued hugging. "c'mon Blaine, group hug" Kurt said and I walked over to the bed where they were sitting and joined the hug. It was nice to be wanted like this, it was nice to have friends.

It was a couple hours later that Rachel had decided Finn wasn't worth her tears and we all went back downstairs. Kurt had parted ways with us and had soon started dancing with some random guy. I guess I was staring because Rachel patted me on the back and motioned for me to follow her. So I did, she led me upstairs to Kurt's room and shut his door. She sat on his bed and I did too. She looked at me without saying anything then asked me "you still have a crush on him, don't you?" I nodded slowly, she was the only other person besides me parents who knew. She nodded. "he's has a lot of stuff going on, and I guess you're probably wondering why he does this at parties" Rachel said and looked at her hands. "yeah" I croaked out. "I'm going to tell you, and I don't want you to tell Kurt that you know and I don't want you to act differently around him, or he'll know that you know" she said and looked at me. "I won't" I said. "promise?" she asked and looked in my eyes. "promise" I nodded. "well a while back, he was dating this guy. Aaron, and at first it was going really well. Kurt was happy and I was happy for him, but later on Aaron was pressuring Kurt into sex and Kurt was cautious and didn't want to, but Aaron kept pressuring and pressuring until Kurt finally gave in, scared that Aaron would dump him if he didn't and as soon as they did it, he broke up with Kurt. He told Kurt all he wanted was sex and nothing more and that was it, they stopped talking. But Kurt was heartbroken. I told him maybe the only way to get over Aaron was to find someone else, so he did" Rachel said and took a deep breathe before continuing. "this new guy, his name was Nick. He was so good to Kurt at first, and things were going great. Kurt even told me, he thought he might be in love. Later on as they kept dating they you know.. had it, and they were happy so I was happy for them and then Nick started pressuring Kurt to do it with him more often then he found out that Nick was cheating on him the whole time because apparently Kurt wasn't putting out enough" Rachel said and looked at me. My mouth was hung open, I didn't know what to say. Why would someone do something like that? Especially to Kurt. But that still didn't really explain why he does what he does. "he then decided that he didn't deserve love, because all that happened in the end was him getting hurt. So he gave up on it, and he started treating himself like shit, blaming himself for not being good enough. Now for some strange reason he does what he does at parties, to feel even shittier about himself. I don't really get why, I know it doesn't really make sense but I guess in a strange, twisted way it does" Rachel said. "I tried to tell him he did deserve love, and that someone out there would love him for him, but he doesn't listen. I think you'd be good for him though, I think he needs someone like you" Rachel said and smiled at me, I smiled too. "I don't think he likes me though" I said. "I could ask him if he does" Rachel said.

* * *

It was now December, time has been going by pretty fast. Nothing has really changed though, Finn and Rachel still never got back together and I'm pretty sure Quinn and Finn are actually secretly seeing each other behind Puck's back. Rachel seems like she's over it but I know she's not. Kurt has been amazing to her, trying to help her get over him. I'm not over Kurt, if anything I think I like him even more. Which really sucked for me, because Kurt had a boyfriend. they started dating in the beginning of November and some guy from some party asked Kurt out and Kurt said yeah, which totally confused me because of what Rachel told me at the party and Rachel looked just as confused when she found out. I was jealous, extremely jealous. I wanted to be with Kurt, I could make him way happier.

Kurt and I had gotten really close lately, we hangout almost everyday. We cuddle when we watch movies, which for him is normal I guess but it still gives me butterflies in my stomach. We can talk about anything, well almost anything. I just can't talk about how much I like him, and how much I want to be with him. Rachel seemed to notice us getting close because she would always wink at me when Kurt put his arm over my shoulder or something. She'd sometimes cancel on Kurt and I to give us some 'alone time' that's what she would text me saying.

I spent most of this month worrying about what to get Kurt for Christmas, I wanted to get him something nice but nothing too nice because then he would start suspecting I liked him and it was so confusing. I finally asked Rachel for help and she gladly agreed. She took me shopping and told me to buy him a scarf, because he liked scarfs and he'd be happy with it, without suspecting a thing. I decided to get Rachel a gift card to the mall because I didn't really know what to buy her. But they both liked their gifts and Kurt got me a new bow tie, because he knows I love bow ties and that made me smile. Rachel got me hair gel and a gift card to my favorite store. That made me laugh, they were the best friends you could ask for.

The Christmas break was nice, I mostly hung out with Kurt and Rachel. One time we were out getting coffee, because Rachel had a new addiction with coffee and we had a snow ball fight. It was one of my favorite parts about the break because Kurt looked really happy. His eyes were lighting up while he smiled and that made me smile. Rachel threw a snowball at my face though, so my face was freezing for quite a while, that was the only downside.

It was now the third last day of Christmas break and Kurt, Rachel and I were going out to Karaoke night and some restaurant. Rachel had convinced me to sing a song to Kurt to express my feelings since I wasn't that exactly good with words. I was honestly freaking out, because he had a boy friend. But Rachel had said he didn't even seem interested in his boyfriend and I would be so much better for him. Rachel told me everything would turn out fine and I wanted to believe her but I couldn't. It had taken me days to find the perfect song, and even then I was having second thoughts about it. It had taken a lot of courage to actually walk into that restaurant, but Rachel kept giving me reassuring looks.

I decided on singing last, I needed time to rethink this. Should I really sing this? Will Kurt hate me? But before I could change my mind, it was my turn to sing. I took a deep breath and walked on the small stage. "um, this song is for somebody here tonight. I'm not going to say any names, but I think you'll know who you are" I said and waited for the music to start. I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see any one's faces.

_ "Hello, tell me you know, yeah, you've figured me out_

_Something gave it away_

_And it would be such a beautiful moment to see the look on your face_  
_To know that I know that you know now_

_And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking_  
_You know nothing_  
_'Cause you and I, why we go carrying on for hours on end_  
_We get along much better than you and your boyfriend_

_Well, all I really want to do is love you_  
_A kind much closer than friends use_  
_But I still can't say it after all we've been through_

_And all I really want from you is to feel me_  
_As the feeling inside keeps building_  
_And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me"_

__I finally decided to open my eyes, I looked at Rachel first and she smiled widely, encouraging me on. I looked at Kurt, who face was emotionless. He just staring at me, which made me nervous. But there was not turning back now.

_"Well, how long can I go on like this, wishing to kiss you_  
_Before I rightly explode_  
_And this double life I lead isn't healthy for me, in fact it makes me nervous_  
_If I get caught I could be risking it all_  
_Well, baby there's a lot that I miss in case I'm wrong_

_All I really want to do is love you_  
_A kind much closer than friends use_  
_But I still can't say it after all we've been through_

_And all I really want from you is to feel me_  
_As the feeling inside keeps building_  
_And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me_

_If I should be so bold, I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand_  
_Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man_  
_But I never said a word I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again_

_Well, all I really want to do is love you_  
_A kind much closer than friends use_  
_But I still can't say it after all we've been through_

_And all I really want from you is to feel me_  
_As the feeling inside keeps building_  
_And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me, if it kills me_  
_I think it might kill me_

_And all I really want from you is to feel me_  
_It's a feeling inside that keeps building_  
_And I will find a way to you if it kills me, if it kills me_  
_It might kill me"_

I sang the rest of the song looking right at Kurt, but as soon as it ended I saw him quickly get out of his chair and run out of the restaurant. _well shit._

**_lol, cliff hanger. oops. I just wanted to say that Lea's speech at the Tca's yesterday was beautiful, I have so much respect for her and the rest of the cast. On a lighter note, Darren twerking, I can't even, like I was screaming. Well, have a lovely day and thank you for reading. _**


End file.
